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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24094870">Mistakes</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/honeyfarm/pseuds/honeyfarm'>honeyfarm</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Supernatural</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Crack Fic, Metatron is a lactose intolerant asshole, Other, ahhhh, castiel is scarred for life, i hate this, im so sorry, why did i do this</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 23:02:49</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>458</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24094870</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/honeyfarm/pseuds/honeyfarm</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>After Castiel makes the mistake of letting newly human Metatron get waffles, he makes the even worse mistake of not allowing Metatron to take the handcuffs off to take a shit</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Mistakes</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I’m so sorry</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Castiel had never hated his life more than he did in this moment. He had been tortured and manipulated and brainwashed, but nothing came close to the pure agony he felt. He was staring at the door of the stall, trying hard to block out the sounds of the freshly human dumbass behind him.</p><p>Keeping Metatron alive this long was his first mistake. The second mistake would be letting him get waffles with basically half a plate of whipped cream on top of them. Maybe he should’ve taken account into the fact that there was a possibility that he could be lactose intolerant.<br/>
But, Castiel had made those mistakes and now he was suffering because of them. If helping Metatron pull his pants down hadn’t been bad enough, his excessive monologuing was simply hell. </p><p>“You know, I think all that whipped cream was worth this,” Metatron said thoughtfully. Castiel couldn’t believe he was still trying to strike a conversation up. Especially over this.<br/>
“I never understood why humans would eat stuff they shouldn’t, but I get it now. I truly do.”<br/>
Castiel wanted to flush Metatron down the fucking toilet.<br/>
“Oh- that was a juicy one!” Metatron exclaimed midway through his lactose intolerant induced shit session.<br/>
Cas had never wanted to kill someone so badly in his entire life.<br/>
“Why is it so watery-?” Metatron questioned.<br/>
Castiel started banging his head off the stall door. Maybe if he passed out, he wouldn’t have to deal with this. Was his grace really worth this? </p><p>“Alright. I think I’m done,” he said after what felt like hours.<br/>
“Great. Let’s go-“ Castiel said quickly.<br/>
“So- you’re either gonna have to uncuff me or-?”<br/>
“Or what, Metatron?”<br/>
“Well- I kinda need to...wipe.”<br/>
That was it. Castiel didn’t want to live on this planet anymore. He had been severely scarred for life. There was no coming back from this. </p><p>“I hate my life-“ Castiel muttered to no one in particular, taking his trench coat off and rolling up the sleeves of his dress shirt.<br/>
Metatron, however, seemed incredibly amused by this entire situation.<br/>
“Don’t say a damn word,” Castiel growled out, hesitantly turning to face Metatron. “I will personally rip out your tongue and use it to wipe your ass if you say anything.”<br/>
“Kinky-“<br/>
“I hate you- I hate you so much.”<br/>
“Don’t be like that, Cassie. You love me.”<br/>
“I would literally sell you to Satan for a corn chip.”<br/>
“Well, you most love corn chips.”<br/>
“I fucking hate corn chips.”</p><p>Thus began the absolute worst experience of Castiel’s entire life. It was like having an overgrown toddler who needed help wiping their own ass. Expect the toddler was a grown man. </p><p>Castiel would never look at waffles the same.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Why the hell did you read that?</p></blockquote></div></div>
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